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What If…. Greedo Shot First? July 27, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Chad L. @ 4:08 pm
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Io9 has a great thought excersise up today. When the original Star Wars trilogy was edited to show Greedo shooting first in the cantina it caused an uproar among the fans of the series. As edited, it didn’t add anything to the movie other than a slight ego-boost for Lucus.  But what if Greedo had actually shot first, and not only shot first, but shot to kill? The changes to the story are great, and it’s fun to think about Greedo depressurising the Falcon’s crew area to get rid of Luke and Obi. Once he makes it to the Death Star though, things get even funnier.

But of course, Greedo doesn’t quite make it to Alderaan. The planet gets wiped out before he reaches it, and soon he’s being yanked by something that’s not a moon, it’s… something different. The Falcon goes flying into the Death Star, and Greedo sees all his dreams of insane profit in danger of being incinerated just like Alderaan. Time to lose the C-3PO bling, and go ninja on these Imperials. Greedo slips out of the Falcon and starts exploring the massive Death Star, his head buzzing with how much that tractor beam would be worth if he could disassemble it. Not to mention the reactor.

And then Greedo finds the lady in white, from the robot’s holo-recording. He got her message! And he’s here to rescue her, he tells her in Huttese. The other guy couldn’t make it, sorry. She’s both lippy and suspicious. So when she and Greedo get trapped in a trash compactor, he slithers out, nimble as a gecko, and leaves her there to get squashed like a ripe muja fruit. No real loss, since he’s still got the R2 unit with all the secrets on it.

But then… Greedo runs face to face with Darth Vader, the Dark Lord Of The Sith. The hulking, asthmatic figure that nobody ever talks back to and lives. Greedo freezes, in total panic, ninja mode failing him completely.

And then Darth Vader looks at Greedo and howls, “Noooooo!”

It is really a great read, complete with videos. I really suggest that if you have the 5 it takes to read it. [What If Greedo Really Shot First?]

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